Monday, July 28, 2008


This season W.E.T. River Trips has been joined by a new seasoned rafting guide from Colorado: Ky. Ky is a high school math teacher and head varsity swim coach in Northern California ... oh, sure he sounds good; however, there is a very dark side to Mr. Ky. Before delving into Ky's deviate and shocking behavior, I'm compelled to mention that Heffe is simultaneously an instigator and cohort to Mr. Ky's debauchery (we need to also note now that Heffe is also a swimmer).

As soon as Ky arrived, there was an strong bond between the two swimmers. There was certainly an easy conversational rapport between Heffe and Ky. Again ... they are both swimmers, and Heffe formerly swam at the high school where Ky is now head coach. Ky and Heffe simply became fast friends and although Ky and Heffe certainly got along with our other guides as well ... there was (and is) most clearly a palpable "bond" between them.

Two Sundays ago (yes, on a sabbath), Ky and Heffe conspired to create SPEEDO SUNDAY on the formerly pristine and unmolested Middle Fork American River that at one time was known primarily for great Class 4 rapids and the legendary Tunnel Chute rapid that drops over 15 vertical feet, and sends whitewater rafters through a tunnel in the side of a rocky ridge deep in a pristine canyon filled with cool, clear water .... at least until SPEEDO SUNDAY.

Everything has changed since Ky and Heffe tugged on their tiny garments of Lycra and sashayed their way down a defenseless river filled with other adventurers and innocent woodland creatures. No longer do the deer stare blankly as rafts slide quietly by. Now, they furtively glance and skittishly shift their tiny hooves back and forth not knowing to look or to simply look away for fear of the sight of Ky and Heffe in the bold projections of their alleged manhood coyly disguised in their tiny speedo suits. Even the local population of Rainbow and German Brown trout appear to be very agitated and nervous.

Other river clients and guides have been seen shielding their eyes at the take-out below Rucka-Chucky Falls at Greenwood Bridge and some brazen guys and gals were heard to crudely project cat-calls in mocked enjoyment (or was it disgust?) of "Speedo Sunday".
(Note from W.E.T. River Trips: now, now peeps; the Europeans, Brasilians, etc wear speedos, so what's the big deal... ahh these crazy Americans!)

Sadly, last Sunday ... charismatic Ky enlisted a young and impressionable J Tsunami into his conspiracy to corrupt OUR river environment even further! Yes, J Tsunami donned a tiny black Speedo along with Mr. Ky for another "Speedo Sunday" participant!

I have now received photos of the "official" SPEEDO SUNDAY suits (Purple with chartreuse flowers and a bold emblazoned across the rump of each tiny suit ... who's next?

Sorry to report that the debauchery has now expanded to Saturdays. Mizz Maggie declared last Saturday SHIRTLESS SATURDAY as she guided the entire river and traveled back to our meeting spot behind Raley's in Auburn without a shirt or undergarment ... instead she simply wore her PFD (lifejacket) the entire time. No slips or mishaps were reported; however, the truth is surely out there. All will be revealed (and hopefully not on SPEEDO SUNDAY or SHIRTLESS SATURDAY). I can only cringe as to what Wolf has up his sleeve to "enhance" the whitewater rafting trips on other days and on other rivers such as the South Fork American River. Whitewater river trips are changed forever...

Note from W.E.T. River Trips: we do not condone this hella behavior! For a more ... ahem... dressed affair, our first event for the late summer season is coming this Sunday on August 3, 2008 ::: Returning after 30 years, Punks on Water reigns supreme again! P.O.W. comes back with a vengeance at the Nugget on the South Fork American River... be there or be very square or not be at all... but you will be missing out on the party of year! Check Big Poppa's post on his personal W.E.T. River Trips events calendar! ... and, oh yeah, hippies are welcome!

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